Emotional Development Support Checklist

A practical guide for parents and carers of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities

Use this checklist to help match your support to the person’s emotional stage of development. A person may show traits from more than one stage - focus on what fits most of the time, especially during stress.

Early Emotional Development (around 0–6 months)

Primary need: Safety, comfort, and regulation

☐ Keep daily routines predictable and calm
☐ Respond quickly to signs of distress (crying, agitation, withdrawal)
☐ Reduce sensory overload (noise, bright lights, crowds)
☐ Provide soothing sensory input (rocking, deep pressure, soft music, weighted items)
☐ Use a low demand approach
☐ Use simplified language, a calm voice and soothing facial expressions
☐ Monitor hunger, pain, fatigue, and physical discomfort

☐ Provide regular, short bursts of engaging interaction for 15-20 minutes, at least 6 times per day.       

☐ Use an Intensive Interaction approach – mirror the person’s vocalisations and facial expressions.

Remember: The person cannot self-regulate yet - they need your help to feel calm and safe.

Emotional Development Around 7–18 Months

Primary need: Security and trust

☐ Be emotionally available, offer consistent attention, and stay in visual contact with the person
☐ Prepare for transitions using photos, objects, or simple explanations
☐ Allow comfort objects (toy, blanket, familiar item)
☐ Introduce new people and places gradually (and in the presence of a familiar caregiver)
☐ Avoid sudden changes where possible
☐ Reassure verbally and using appropriate touch (if welcomed)
☐ Continue to maintain a low demand approach and predictable routines, especially during stressful times

☐ Draw the person into interaction; follow their lead and be guided by their interests

☐ Comment on what the person is doing, and what is happening in the environment

Remember: Feeling safe comes before learning or independence.

Emotional Development from 18 months - 3 Years

Primary need: Autonomy and control within safe limits

☐ Offer clear and consistent boundaries, which are warm but firm
☐ Give limited choices, which you as the parent or caregiver remain in charge of                                                                                                                                  
☐ Stay calm during emotional outbursts
☐ Offer specific praise for effort
☐ Separate behaviour from the person (accept the person, whilst providing limits)

☐ Continue to develop two-way interaction skills, by using turn taking activities e.g. throw and catch, singing, colouring/looking at books together.

☐ Facilitate the development of independence gradually, ensuring anxiety remains manageable

☐ Tell the person if you are going somewhere else, where you are going, and when you will be back

Remember: The person wants independence, but does not yet have the necessary coping skills.

Emotional Development Around 3 - 7 Years

Primary need: Identity, confidence, and belonging

☐ Focus on strengths and successes
☐ Use encouragement more than correction
☐ Help name and validate emotions using an emotion coaching approach
☐ Discuss social fears (e.g. not being accepted by peers)

☐ Support the person to explore different group settings e.g. sports; music.
☐ Support social learning gently and patiently
☐ Model problem-solving and emotional coping
☐ Provide reassurance after mistakes

☐ Allow imaginative and role playing games

Remember: Self-esteem is fragile - support confidence before competence.

Emotional Development Around 8–12 Years

Primary need: Logical thinking; Understanding one's own abilities in relation to others

☐ Explain rules and expectations simply
☐ Involve the person in decisions where possible
☐ Continue to support friendships and social belonging
☐ Teach emotional coping strategies

☐ Support independence and self-confidence

☐ Offer support from a distance (e.g. via a mobile phone), but remain emotionally available when conflicts arise

General Tips for All Stages

☐ View behaviour as communication
☐ Adjust expectations during stress or change
☐ Prioritise relationship over control
☐ Review emotional stage regularly - it can change
☐ Seek professional guidance when unsure

Key takeaway:
When support matches a person’s level of emotional development, people feel safer, calmer, and better able to cope - and everyone’s quality of life improves.